The story you tell
Deuteronomy 6:4-9 The Message (MSG)
“Write these commandments that I’ve given you today on your hearts. Get them inside of you and then get them inside your children. Talk about them wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street; talk about them from the time you get up in the morning to when you fall into bed at night. Tie them on your hands and foreheads as a reminder; inscribe them on the doorposts of your homes and on your city gates.”
So how do we write His commands on our children’s hearts?
And how would we be able to talk about them day and night? One way is through the telling of God stories. We can retell the stories that show how God acts towards his people; how God thinks about His people; how God works all things together for good for His people.
I still have the children’s bible I bought for my son when he was 2 but it isn’t just nostalgia that made me want to keep it. I have it sitting amongst my ‘go to books’ on my desk. Reading from this bible version has always been a pleasure. The writer chose to retell each bible story from the eyes of one of the on lookers in each adventure, from kings and soldiers to fathers and disciples who gave witness to the events first hand. Whenever I look at this old and well used children’s bible, I remind myself of the power a story has to draw me in; to imagine the scene, the circumstances and the feelings described and entice me to put myself into the picture.
This is why I keep that original children’s bible close to me. The well-known and loved bible stories in it were told as testimonies; life stories told by real people, because God’s aim always was that His story would become our story too.
One of the greatest ways to connect heart to heart with your children, from toddlers to teens (and then some!) is through life stories. Our everyday life stories.
These include the stories that we have had since we were young, the “when I was little” vignettes or the more present day “how I made it through..” (the job interview; the credit card being declined at the checkout; the sudden downpour on my way to…you fill in the blanks!) These simple stories give the children in our world a window into who we are. Especially when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable and imperfect! They build empathy. They can cultivate compassion, they can model everyday courage and bravery too but just as beautifully they can simply whisper hope into the everyday.
They don’t need to be told by experts. Recounting personal stories works especially well for parents who don’t even feel good at parenting!
Stories invite their hearers to imagine, picture, ponder and wonder.
They also stealthily offer interactive time with your teen rather than the usual mere transactional information delivery conversations as so many of our hurried communications as parents end up being!
A story has the wonderful ability to spark unexpected connections, help recall forgotten memories but best of all stories open up hearts (our hearts; the storyteller and the listener) to each other.
My husband once retold at the dinner table to our young adult children a phone conversation he had that day with an internet provider. As a family we had all suffered frustration that the supplier’s speed and delivery was nothing like what we had hoped for.
“You won’t get anywhere trying to talk with those guys!” my son had chipped in!
Initially it seemed my son was right. My husband agreed there didn’t seem to be much sympathy from the supplier’s Customer Service Representative on the other end of the phone line. Certainly there was no motivation on their part to make any changes or offer of compensation for services not delivered! At this point there was no hope of a positive outcome, “until something popped into my mind” said my husband.
Deeply invested in the hopeful outcome of the conversation, my kids leaned in closer!!
“So what did you do Dad?”, “Did you play hard-ball, did you ask for the manager, did you tell him how really, unbearably bad it is living with this little amount of internet?”
“No”, my husband said, “I just told them a story”. At this stage my kids had disbelieve all over their faces, unsure where this could possibly go!!
“I asked the customer service rep to imagine that they had made a special trip to the corner store for a litre of milk. On the way home they had planned all the things that they would be using that milk for, a home brewed coffee, the morning porridge, muffins for morning tea even, etc., etc. But when they got home they found the bottle of milk was only a quarter full! How did it feel? Did they give up their plans and accept the loss, or would they go back to the shop and ask for better? “
There was a long pause on the phone call.
The next words spoken on the phone by the supplier were full of understanding and empathy. There was even a chuckle between both parties. The outcome was good – together they negotiated a new service rate and left the conversation with both parties a little more tolerant of the other, and hopeful that there are happy endings possible!
Resist the urge to always ‘sum it all up’ at the end of your story with the desired meaning (as if telling an Aesop fable) Jesus didn’t with all his parables, and you don’t need to either. Be guided by your listener whether they want to know more. If the story prompts difficult questions it’s ok to let your listeners know you don’t have all the answers too!
Show them you can remain curious, wondering, and hopeful that there will always be more to know and learn!*
“God made man because He loves stories.”
— Elie Wiesel, author and Nobel Peace Prize winner
*Jeremiah 33:3-5 The Message
“This is God’s Message, the God who made earth, made it livable and lasting, known everywhere as God; ‘Call to me and I will answer you . I’ll tell you marvelous and wonderous things that you could never figure out on your own.”